Whether you identify as type A or type B, humans as a whole value feeling in control. When we feel out of control, our anxiety can spike, depression can increase, and we may start end up in a cycle of negative thoughts that’s hard to break out of. Over the past few years we’ve seen just how quickly things can change and the negative impact it can have on our mental health. We’ve also seen just how adaptable human beings are. When things have felt out of our control, and we’ve done what’s needed to take that control back. But how exactly have we done that? It’s important to acknowledge the immense impact of the events occurring around us.

I saw a post that said something along the lines of, “I’m tired of living through a once in a lifetime historic event every week”. I can imagine many of us can resonate with that statement. While I can’t, personally, make the world a safer place, fix broken systems or end a global pandemic, I hope the tools discussed below will help provide some comfort and reassurance. And as always, when a blog post doesn’t help, therapy is a great option.

One way to begin regaining control when we feel powerless is to give ourselves the “illusion” of control. In reality, there is not much we have full control over. However, humans yearn for the feeling of control and we’re able to provide that to ourselves by tricking our minds. Unfortunately, we can’t control the world around us, but we can control what we have for dinner. Bear with me here. If we can’t control the external world, we can cope by exerting control over our internal worlds. This starts the moment we begin our day. What time we wake up, what we wear, what we have for breakfast, and so on. We also have control over some of the bigger things like our career path, whom we choose to spend our lives with, whether we’d like to start a family, where we’d like to live, etc. To put it simply, focus on what you do have control over, the day-to-day mundane stuff. In this crazy world, boring can be the new exciting.

Perception is hugely helpful when dealing with control. Two people can live through the exact same experience and come away with completely different perspectives. An introvert may believe working from home is the best thing that’s happened to them while an extrovert may feel it’s a horrible punishment. Perspective also matters when looking towards things that haven’t happened yet. When thinking of something negative that may happen in the future, we typically overestimate the duration of the experience and just how bad it will be. For example, if someone told you in March of 2020, you’d be in quarantine for over a year, you and the rest of the world would likely completely freak out. However, if you reflect on your experience being home since March, it’s likely not as terrible as you would’ve thought initially. Humans are incredibly bad at estimating how we’ll feel in the future. Recognizing this and the biases that come with being human, can be helpful shifting our perspective when we feel out of control.

Autonomy is a large aspect of control that we’re able to foster. Creating our own work schedule, switching up our environment, being intentional when making plans and bringing awareness to the decisions we make every day can allow us to see the aspects of autonomy that are still present.

As I mentioned above, a blog post can be helpful to read, but can’t truly replace the relationship between a therapist and a client. If I was a strong believer in therapy before the pandemic (and I was given that I’m a therapist) I’m even a bigger believer now. Seeing how much therapy has helped me, and hearing from my friends, family and clients, how much therapy has helped them has shown just how powerful an hour a week can be. So, I’ll leave you with that final tip. When in doubt, and a blog post just isn’t enough, try therapy.

REACH OUT

Regaining Control When Feeling Helpless

The Importance of a Life Full of Rituals

How Can I Cope with Anxiety?